Ideas to help Mattel's CEO

We feel so sorry for Mattel CEO Robert Eckert. His pay has been cut by 23 percent, down to $1.72 million. It seems that not many are buying Barbie dolls and other toys.

So, here's some ideas for Eckert to get his pay back up the stratospheric level. No charge, Bobby.

First, they can have the Chinese make them some little toy soldiesr in desert battle gear, so today's kids can pretend they are the U.S. defense secretary sending their army off to fight evil doers.

Of course, for realism, each kid would be limited to the number of toy soldiers he could play with at any one time. He certainly wouldn't want to have enough to get the job done right.

Second idea: Mattel could make talking action figures of President Bush and members of his cabinet. The Bush figure would be programmed to give a different reason for the invasion of Iraq every time the string is pulled, and the cabinet figures would not say anything unless they were in a different room that the Bush figure. Of course, they would not be allowed back in presence of the Bush action figure.

Third idea: start making marionettes. This way once kids got older and out on their own, they would have a better understanding that they are not in control of their own destinies; someone else is pulling the strings. Much like Congress and the corporate lobbyists.